The Krown Jewels Want To Scrap The Monarchy

Britain’s foremost minor internet hit singer returns with another protest song.

Many years ago, Kunt and the Gang – usually consisting of the eponymous Kunt and his puppet partner Little Kunt – recorded a series of spectacularly rude and outrageous songs that a decade or two earlier might have seen him arrested for obscenity, all of which were unexpectedly catchy and memorable – bad taste masterpieces like Use My Arsehole as a Cunt, Fucksticks, Have a Wank and others that revelled in the lurid and gleefully offensive. Despite achieving more success than you might expect with songs like this, Kunt decided to call it a day in 2016, publishing an autobiography a couple of years later and apparently settling down as a family man.

But you can’t keep a good Kunt down and in 2020 he re-emerged with punk act The Kunts, who eschewed the blokey bad taste in favour of more politically furious – if not exactly subtle – tracks like Boris Johnson is a Fucking Cunt, Prince Andrew is a Sweaty Nonce and Fuck the Tories, all of which became unlikely chart hits in part thanks to a curious rivalry with perpetual appalling Christmas hitmaker Ladybaby. The shift from cheerfully offensive comedy to angry political shouting was unexpected but is very much in keeping with the times, where everything is political – but the tracks are less fun even if you agree with everything being said. Still, I suppose Kunt could hardly keep making tracks like I Sucked Off a Bloke forever.

Of course, The Kunts would struggle with radio airplay or mainstream media attention – even if the songs were less sweary, the band name was rather problematic. If you are making a protest song, then I guess you want people to be aware of it, and even though The Kunts have admirably managed to reach the top 5 twice, Kunt clearly wants his message to reach a wider audience. Hence the band now being (temporarily) renamed The Krown Jewels for the latest release, Scrap the Monarchy, released just in time for the money-wasting coronation of our ghastly new King. The ridiculously catchy track doesn’t even have any swearing and so Kunt believes that there is now no excuse not to play it on the radio or mention it in the press.

I can’t help but feel that this is wishful thinking – the chances of the BBC or anyone else giving airtime to this record seem about the same as them acknowledging any other objections to the gross spectacle and anti-democratic institution. Maybe it will be played on the chart rundown should it reach the charts, which seems to be Kunt’s main aim – but honestly, even that is doubtful as it still contains enough ‘offensive’ references to give them the excuse not to allow it on air. Could the record reach the top of the charts? Well, it might. I wish it would, but I suspect that the odds are even more against it than they were against the Sex PistolsGod Save the Queen back in 1977. Still, we wish them luck, even if we miss the days of Kunt’s more cheerful offensiveness.

You can download the track from May 5th. Here’s the video.

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