The Buckfast Stops Here

The notorious tonic wine ceases production; teenage Scottish drinkers mourn.

Shit, as they say, has suddenly got real, at least if you are an underage Glasgow drinker. Buckfast, the tonic wine that was also the drug of choice for many a Scottish scrote, is ceasing production, albeit temporarily.

As part of the UK’s lockdown, the monks and the business behind Buckfast have decided to suspend production, to protect employees and help free up delivery networks for more essential supplies – though I’m sure that for some Buckie enthusiasts, the ‘wreck the hoose juice’ is seen as an absolutely essential supply.

Buckfast, for those unfamiliar with its charms, is a tonic wine that is not much stronger than a regular red (around 15%), but also comes with a caffeine content equivalent to eight cans of Coke – a veritable speedball, essentially. It’s hardly known in its home country – the business is based in the South of England – but has become the stuff of legend in Scotland and Northern Ireland, where it is blamed for all manner of antisocial behaviour yet is adored by its fans – mostly, it seems, delinquent youths, toothless tramps and connoisseurs of vomiting. Despite attempts in recent years to improve the drink’s public image, there is little evidence of Buckfast making it onto the dinner party menu.

Of course, the suspension of production by the Abbey might also help with government aims of closing down gatherings. Without bottles of Buckfast to swig, groups of feral youths will presumably have one less reason to lurk around playgrounds, wastelands and street corners. Or maybe this will be the final straw, and in years to come people will be remembering the Buckfast Riots of 2020…

Like what we do? Support us on Patreon so that we can do more!